Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Richard Lloyd's memoirs

I've spent the last few months writing my memoirs which will be published late next year by beech Hill publishing, a small publishing concern based in Maine.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Poster presentation for the All and Everything conference Salem, Mass April 20-24, 2016

The Depth Of Wish
Paper by Richard Lloyd (c) 2016 all rights reserved

Star light, star bright,
first star I see tonight;
wish I may, wish I might,
have the wish I wish tonight.

Wish' is the most powerful thing in the world. Higher than God”.
G.I. Gurdjieff
 “The true wish requires and even demands an emotional component. It can be said that the true wish comes from the heart rather than the mind. But the mechanics are as Jesus declares. The New Testament discusses this fully only calls the resultant of wish by the word faith: "if thou had faith as large as a mustard seed and said to the mountain,move, Then the mountain would move.  “Then one has to think in terms of time, the supreme objective subjective – and when one makes a true wish with conscious faith it is already in the past, except that the past has not arisen yet – in this way it is like a foretelling of a demanded future whereby quantum collapse all other possibilities fall away. This is what Michelangelo meant when he was asked how he constructed the statue David. He said "I only took away from the marble what was not David." Wish must operate in the same fashion. ---Richard Lloyd
“Life is real only then, when "I am":


I am…? But what has become of that full-sensing of the whole of myself, formally always in me in just such cases of self questioning during the process of self remembering….
Is it possible that this inner ability was achieved by me thanks to all kinds of self-denial and frequent and self-goading only in order that now, when it's influence for my Being is more necessary even than air, it should vanish without a trace?
No! This cannot be!…
Something here is not right!
If this is true, then everything in the sphere of reason is illogical.
But in me is not yet atrophied the possibility of actualizing conscious labor and intentional suffering! …
According to all past events I must still be.
I WISH! … And will be!!

Moreover, my Being is necessary not only for my personal egoism but also for the common welfare of all humanity.
My Being is indeed necessary to all people; even more necessary to them than their felicity and their happiness of today.

I WISH still to be … I STILL AM!
This, the beginning of the prologue of the third series ('LIFE IS REAL ONLY THEN, WHEN 'I AM') shows just how Mr. Gurdjieff valued the idea of Wish and in the third and fifth talks of the Third Series he speaks more of the concept of "WISH"

A New Adventure

There is a new adventure, yet which is older than time itself, and I'm invited to participate in it should I wish. We, have a ray of this wish embedded in us so deeply that we languor in the forgetting of its promise. We make our own wish at birthday time and then turn away from its meaning with the extinguishment of the candles and return again to a belief in the world which is trapped us.

A friend of mine in discussing wish said that when he was a child he distinguished the coin of wish. He said that he knew the difference between little wish, which cost pennies, and big wish, which may cause more than we can pay.
These wishes were not entered into lightly he said, for we have allotted to us a certain amount of wish money (yet the exact amount is always kept hidden from us). I asked him if there was ever a wish for which he knew he could not pay and he said yes. He said that when he was younger he had wished to be on a rocket ship to the moon, and as he said this to me all his cares fell away from him, he lit up with glee and mirth and became himself in a way which I had never seen of him, and I, in that instant knew that this wish of his had been answered. And in that moment I also had a wish answered, and was given a moment free of gravity, and from Earth's laws of Encumbrance. I also left behind the shackles of myself and my self imposed sorrow.

Perhaps the only wish worth the honor is that for which we have no means to pay.

There is a new adventure beckoning me, as old as I AM, and made of starlight. There is a passage in "Fragments" which interests me.

Mr. Gurdjeff is telling Ouspensky that an order for a man to move up in the Work you must put another man in his place, that this is a law.
I had always take this to mean that one had to find another man in order to pass on a kind of understanding but now I believe that there is a trick being played here. How to escape the laws which bind me here. I do not know what I have done, but I have come to be here. The Moon and the Earth and Planets need me, demand me and will hunt me down with redoubled efforts if I should abandon my place and try to run. If I am to escape in this fashion another – a dummy to take my place.

This is the "other man" whom we must put in our place as the Zen saying says: *“Before enlightenment chop wood and carry water; after enlightenment, chop wood and carry water". I cannot change this. But I can have wish. And I can fashion another man, and inner man, fed by wish, and not subject to the fears and demands of the move. For the outer man it is too late, and has always been too late, he will always get angry, the Moon has made him so, and he's made of dust and I cannot cling to him. But I shall make him a shell. Empty. Slowly I shall move within my wish.

Slowly I shall build an ark to live in so that the waters will not overtake me. Yet at the same time I will leave myself exactly where I am. It is only in this way that one may pay for this journey. This is the taking up of one's cross. This is the payment demanded for such a wish. For one must obtain oneself at the cost of oneself.

My friend had forgotten how to wish. I also have forgotten how to wish, but now I see a little, and my wish comes back, lingers a little and fades. This is my work, to gather myself against the tide and beckon to my wish.

(Third Series Talk Three, Page 109) Mr. Gurdjieff speaking:

“At this point, interrupting the reader again, I continued thus:

“From the contents of the fragment which has just been read, (pages 102 – 108) each of you should already at least understand that the indispensable condition which is first of all required from a man for is still possible arrival on a new path, namely the path of "evolutionary movement" is to have at least some data for the acquisition of his own I.

In the case of the man in whom, because of the conditions of his preparatory age, the time preordained by Nature for the purpose of the natural crystallization in his common presence of data for possessing and responsible age his own I has not been made use of, then, if at responsible age, when in general same reasoning can sometimes be lawfully manifested in man, he accidentally grasps this fact and resolves to retain the possibility to be such as he ought to be in reality, namely, to have his own individuality conditioned by the unquestionable possession of his own I, he must for this purpose, first of all, unfailingly and consciously begin to crystallize in himself seven data – as was established by really wise people of all ancient epochs – specially inherent only in man, data which have for the quality of manifestation a reciprocal action between themselves in complete accordance with the fundamental law of the World, the sacred Heptaparaparshinokh.

Today I shall speak only about three of the seven psychic factors proper to man alone. In the general psychic functioning of man, and certain automatically formed or intentionally created conditions depending upon mental associations and feeling – experiencings, these three factors engender in the general presence of man three definite impulses.
Before continuing to explain just what is necessary and how one must consciously, both inwardly and outwardly, manifest oneself in order to obtain the arising in oneself of such data inherent only in man, which ought also to appear as lawful aspects of the whole individually of a real man, I shall be compelled, on account of the absence in the English language of any exact verbal designation of these three impulses, and as a consequence the absence of an appropriate understanding of them, to waste my time, in order to give you an approximate understanding of them and choose for them some more or less corresponding conventional names which we shall use in our subsequent talks.

For an approximate definition of the first of these three human impulses which must arise and manifest themselves in a real man, one might employ the English word "can," yet not in the sense in which this word is used in the contemporary English language but in the sense in which Englishmen used it before what is called the "Shakespearean epoch."

Although for the exact definition of the second of these human impulses in the contemporary English language there is a word, namely "WISH," it is nevertheless employed by you Americans as well as by the English people themselves, only in order to very, of course unconsciously, the degree of the expression of that so to say "lavish impulse" for which there are, particularly in this language, a multitude of words as, for example, "like", "want," "need," "desire, and so on.

And as regards a word for the expression and understanding of the third definite aforementioned human impulse, in the whole lexicon of words in the English language there cannot be found one even approximately corresponding.
This impulse, proper exclusively to man can be defined in the English language only descriptively, that is, with many words. I should define it for now in the following words: "The entire sensing of the whole of oneself"

"This third impulse, which should be sometimes in the waking state of man, one of certain definite manifestations in the general presence of every normal man, is of all the seven exclusively – proper – to – man impulses the most important, because his association with the first two, namely those which I have already said can be approximately expressed in English by the words "CAN" and "WISH," almost composes and represents the genuine I of a man who has reached responsible age.

It is only in a man with such an I that these three impulses, two of which are approximately defined in English by the words "I CAN" and I WISH" acquire in their turn that significance which I presume; which significance, and the corresponding force of action from their manifestations, is obtained only in a man who by his intentional efforts obtains the arising in himself of data for engendering these impulses sacred for a man.
Only such a man, when he consciously says "I AM" – he really is, "I CAN" – he really can; I WISH" – he really wishes.
When "I WISH" – I feel with my whole being that I wish, and can wish. This does not mean that I want, that I need, that I like or, lastly, that I desire. No, "I WISH". --I never like, never want, I do not desire anything and I do not need anything – all this is slavery; if "I WISH" something, I must like it, even if I do not like it. I can wish to like it, because "I CAN."
I WISH – I feel with my whole body that I WISH
I WISH – because I CAN WISH…" (Third Series Pages 109 – page 112 italics mine)
The Depth Of Wish:

As human beings, we are each endowed with the same organic format and limitations, the result of being living, physical creatures who breath and eat and think. We take in food and air and sensations, we excrete behavior and we have an inner life. In this inner life are thoughts and desires; unspoken and even unconscious urges. What is the nature of wish? What is the meaning of this action within us which can be stronger than hope?Where in our inner nature is the platform upon which we can examine the nature and meaning of WISH, which seems so fleeting against the mundane world, and what happens in each of us as our ability to WISH is tempered by the facts of material existence?

One may speak of dreams, of innermost desires; of the deepest longing of the heart;
even when crushed by the weight and gravity of our ordinary existence these longings still have the power to renew us; to surge forgotten energies within us; to cause us once again to fall in love, not with any other person, or even with ourselves, but with an idea, with a hope of the unrealized potential within us. When we wish; when we truly come to recognize that within us as a WISH (and not simply a made up desire or objective, but a surge towards a longing which lives an independent existence from us), then for that moment we open to a life which is ordinarily denied us, and we have access to a power that can organize us into wholeness, and which can move mountains on our behalf. Even if only for this reason and no other, we owe a debt to ourselves to go within and search for the meaning of WISH.

All myths and fairy stories contain tantalizing remembrances that there is within us
the hope of a primordial connection with one's wish and of the realization of one's destiny. Destiny; as opposed to fate; as opposed to conscious intent; destiny as the unfolding of the greatest of possibilities out of the unformed potentialities contained within a given life. This is why the image of the genie, the fairy godmother or the wizard are such profound symbols of how the deepest inner wish in a person can be independent of all of the actualized aspects of a person, or the true wish comes to us from an entirely other level. This also points to the reason why the true wish can never be mistaken with simple desire or objectives which may be self-realizable. The creative force always irrupts into consciousness from a level outside of it. This is why the wish has power at the same time that it is disregarded in ordinary life, because the wish can only await its actualization, and can never "do." This also means that one cannot influence the wish in any ordinary way. Yet wish is strongly differentiated from hope, which contains within its jurisdiction the element of happenstance, upon which we may rest our hope. Wish, on the other hand, does all, contains within itself all authority for what is to be, and yet "does" nothing.

What is the goal of wish? There are
many levels upon which wishing may be said to reside. There is the wish blown upon the birthday candle. The wish sent with a coin into the fountain. There are the teaching wishes granted by the Jinn, where the fallacious nature of desire is revealed by the foolhardy wishes of the recipient and where the last of the granted wishes is almost always a fervent plea to return to the state which existed before the wishes had been granted, but which can bring at the end a hard won maturity. There is a coin of wish, and all know that the spending of this coin can be foolish or wise. There are the unrealizable wishes, verging on fantasy, but which can still be perhaps amongst the wisest of purchases. For those who dare to wish to fly to the moon or to have secret powers of wisdom, perhaps the wish pays its dividends in unearthed energies and ideas leading to invention. At the very least, the fabulous and sweeping wish which is scarcely to be expected brings within it a delicious inner thrill, and it is a sad thing that so many have forgotten its delights.

As to
the highest wish in a person, the "true wish" and its goal, this goal is much further and has a much more concrete form. All myths and fairy tales suggest that one can exert no influence whatsoever over the form of this wish (although one may "blunder" into the formation of the actualization of one's wish, when all of the normal avenues for the attainment of one's desires are paused, or disabled, and usually through the innate "goodness" of one's heart or essential nature -- which is the part closest to power in wishing). Power in wishing must be bestowed upon one, and not always by overtly beneficent forces. There is the tradition that bestowed power to wish is almost always a test, which not so much separates good from evil but that separates the innermost essential in one from everything else. Tradition holds that any wish other than one connected to the essential treasure of the heart (and which also moves one in the direction of one's hidden destiny) will be a wish that will bring a dismantling of elements within the self which are false. The false wish, when it comes true, brings decay which is objectively speaking healthy and true, like a pull upon the reins of the wayward horse. Only elements which do not belong to the true and essential self may be ruptured in this way. The Alchemical axiom is: "gold does not fear the fire," but for those upon whom this wish is bestowed, the event is one of a preternatural winnowing fire out of which none but the purest intention can emerge unscathed.

In my own case I was born with a certain gnosis such that when I was asked at the age of five if I believed in God I answered, "no I know." This cause the adults some consternation and they asked me what I meant by this hominim. I said that I did not need to believe because I knew, and that knowledge trumps belief, which belief depends upon the hope and faith of something unseen whereas knowledge is an immediate apperception of the truth.

I also trusted and felt that like the mother is given a baby shower with gifts before the child is born, that one's guardian angels and forebears and archangels may also give the child what I will term "wish money", and may even put wish money in a trust fund that will bear fruit later in life. For this reason I did not want to spend any of my wish money on frivolous things and during my third birthday when they brought the cake out and my mother asked me to make a wish and blow out the candles I said “No”
she pleaded with me but I still told is not going to make a wish and blow out the candles and that I had nothing to wish for – that I was housed, fed, clothed, and loved, and that I needed nothing further. Finally she pleaded with me and said that I did not have to tell anyone my wish, so I thought for a moment and came up with a wish that was proper and blew out the candles, wishing that everyone else present would get their wish and that if I benefited it would be collateral.

Later, as a teenager growing up in the 1960s I made my first wish: that I should become a world-renowned electric guitar player and have an irrevocable impact on the history of rock 'n roll. I gave everything over to this wish, even making a pact with lady poverty and throwing myself on the mercy of the Holy Ghost to fulfill my wish. Instantly I knew that it would come true and so I began speaking in the future tense as the present tense. This is difficult to explain but people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I would tell them that I will already was what I wanted to be when I grew up and that was as stated above – a renowned electric guitar player who makes an irrevocable impact on rock 'n roll history. This got a lot of laughs but my wish was formed and never changed.

I recognized that once one made a true wish the deal was sealed and as Mr. Gurdjieff says, when asked his definition of the word serious that "to be serious means to be serious about your aim or wish and that without an aim nothing is serious. Anything that hinders you towards reaching your goal or helps you to reach your goal is serious, AND NOTHING ELSE!"

So for me I lived in a divine comedy where everything that happened to me was predicated on reaching this aim goal or wish all of which I consider to be the same thing. I knew a great deal about yoga and there is something to be said regarding it and the wish fulfilling tree at the base of which is an altar upon which is your chosen deity and your fondest wish and your most serious obligation in life.
As Mr. Gurdjieff implied that the word wish in modern English does not connote the meaning that he meant to convey I should say that I believe that the impulse of wish must be combined with intention and the force of the will. Without this confluence of three forces – Wish – Intention – Will, to the exclusion of all other interests then this wish will not come true just as Mr. Gurdjieff stated that most petitionary prayers do not even reach the roof of the church, and what is a petitionary prayer but a wish placed in the lap of a higher power that more than likely has better things to do. No, we are responsible for the actions needed to be taken in our intentions and will for the wish to be brought to fruition. The entire cosmos and reality will conform itself to such a wish irrevocably.

In the archetypal chakra system of Kundalini yoga there exist two minor chakras near the heart which are forbidden as objects of meditation. In English these chakras are named respectively '
the wish granting tree' and 'the seat of unutterable anguish.' These two chakras are considered to be sister and brother, and one may not be opened without opening the other. At the base of the wish granting tree is an altar upon which is placed the deepest wish of the self. This wish is placed upon this altar prior to the birth. Any other wish placed upon this altar is considered a desecration and a rape of the sister by the brother. He then comes to the rescue of the sister and cuts down the tree, and if the chakra is opened duplicitously, the brother in his wrath opens and reveals the sacred conscience. In the hidden and apocryphal legends of Jesus it is said that both of these chakras in him were fully open, which is why he was said to be a man "well acquainted with sorrows." The idea in Buddhism of the bodhisattva or perfected being who remains on the earthly plane in order to support the salvation of others is also connected with these two chakras and their opening. When the chakra of the wish granting tree is opened and the Great Self receives its wish, it also receives the deep and penetrating realization of the plight and inner state of others via the brother. Of these two chakras, it is forbidden to say more.

Now, for those who have come to
recognize their wish, the journey towards its fulfillment is an odyssey of epic proportions. Against this truth every man is the hero, set upon the seven voyages, or demanded to fulfill twelve tasks and to return with a proof not given lightly. Almost always mythical forces are set against this adventure; the dragons of the unconscious guarding the precious treasure. For one who is set out on such a quest, tradition allots years of search for guidance, and a journey of unimaginable distances through dark and dangerous places. One's own resources are never equal to the task, and therefore must come a search for tools with which to perform the tasks which are strewn against the intent, and which almost in every case cause the supplicant to detour, and to undertake Herculean tasks which on the surface seem to have no connection to the goal. Thus, one on such a mission seems to the outside observer perhaps to be headed in wrong direction, and even to seem the dolt or idiot. On top of this is the fact that these tasks are usually formulated to be well beyond the ken of the seeker and cut perpendicular to their strengths and abilities and requiring the assistance of magical elements and of a guiding guardianship. But the true seeker after his wish has in all cases magic in his pocket, a compass or lodestone which guides him unerringly towards his goal. All the rest move like lemmings convinced of their direction while the seeker after the true wish of the heart moves in a direction wholly opposite to expectations.

But in our world,
legend and myth and fairy story are relegated to childhood, and so with wish. We ask our children to wish, but not ourselves. We remind each other to wish on the birthday candles but have forgotten why. We throw coins in the fountain but we do not mean it, and which of us would dream of wishing on a star in any seriousness? What has happened to us? Not only has our power to wish withered but even our recognition of its power. We relegate wish to the purview of the naive. And yet we hear the words: "lest ye become as little children, ye shall in no wise see the kingdom" and do not take them to heart. Are these words of fiction? While we consider that we live our lives in fact, richly or poorly, it may be that our lives pour out from underneath us. The idea of a study of the meaning of wish should be far from trivial; but we will have to walk backwards, working ourselves out of the disarray and complications we find ourselves in, {and return to simplicity in order to find it. In this place of simplicity we can again pick up the thread of wish and follow it home, to the land of make-believe, where anything is possible and where nothing yet has happened. Perchance we may then again find our forgotten true wish, and begin again.

Some time ago I took a survey asking various acquaintances what their ideas regarding wish had been when they were children and now, as adults. The wishes took many forms. Some came true and some did not. There seemed to be an intuitive inner understanding that a c
ertain coin of wish is given to each of us to spend, and like the child in front of a selection of candy, we ponder our choices, we take aim with our hopes and at last, we let fly with our desire. Once having made our wish we wait, curious but certain of a power having been loosed and certain of a response from the universe. We can still do that. One person told me this: that when he was young he had been careful not to spend his wishes foolishly, but there came in time to him a wish that was simply stated, preposterous. Because the wish was an impossible one, he told me that he knew that he could make this wish without fear of spending his precious wish money. As he told me of his wish, the impossible wish of a child's heart, his face softened and his shoulders relaxed. His eyes began to twinkle and moisten and he began to laugh. As I saw this change come over him what I saw was this: that he became more himself and less the trappings of life. He became younger in fact before my eyes, years peeling away as he remembered, and I knew in my heart what I told him then, that the impossible had worked its magic. That the wish itself held the power he had been looking for, and that his wish had in fact, come true.
The English word wish is derived from the Proto-IndoEuropean language root 'wen,' which translates as "to desire, to strive for." Closely related, and from the same root is the modern English word 'win,' to win. In old English the word Wynn means pleasure, joy, and the old English word 'wenan' means to expect, imagine, think. The old English word for wish is actually wyscan. The origin and development of human language as a means of expression is deeply shrouded in mystery, and the study of the source and meanings of even a single letter can provide rich nourishment in the search for understanding, often offering multiple lateral avenues for exploration. The fact that sounds uttered by the human voice can convey density of meaning via metaphor, allegory and veiled allusion should rightly return us to a state of awe at the original mystical nature of our very existence. The word wish contains three basic sound components: 'W', 'ie' and 'sh'. Each of these phonemes can be examined individually into search for depths of meaning concealed within the compound sound group which makes up its word.

The 'W,' is a letter derived from 'V,' or 'U,' hence double 'U.' It comes from the Semitic 'vau,' meaning nail. The 'V' contains the idea of identity, of point, and the double 'U' connotes the image of relationship, of I and you, or I and thou. Thus the words 'womb,' 'woman,' 'with.' In the quality of its sound is a wooing. A pulling, an asking, like the sound of a wind instrument, deep and vibratory (as against the 'K' or labial 'L' for instance). Thus the questioning words: 'who,' 'when,' 'why,' 'where,' 'what.' In its representation of the doubling of 'V,' we have the idea of twisting or turning back upon itself; bringing us the words 'weave,' 'whirl,' 'worry' and 'world.' One could continue and exploration of the hidden and primeval meanings of the 'W' sound in words like 'word,' 'wise,' 'wife,' 'warm,' etc.

The second letter in wish is the vowel 'I,' sounding 'ie.' This letter comes from the Semitic 'Yod,' meaning hand. The hand is the human tool for grasping; for making connections and the 'I' as a vowel sound form stands for a connectivity, the binding. It is the center vowel in the vowel series AEIOU. In this central position it embodies the idea of developing and maintaining a connective relationship. Consider the identification we have with the body and with the thinking which is represented by this letter as a personal pronoun. Also, the 'I' can serve as a balance between two ideas as a fulcrum and as a mechanism of joining, as in the suffix 'ing' and as the 'i' in semi circle.

Finally, the last two letters, 'S' and 'H' together make up one phoneme, 'sh.' The 'S' is derived from the Semitic 'shin,' which means tooth. It was originally pictured on its side, which can give the image of the teeth. It is used in this sense of the wave in the words 'snake,' 'shape,' 'smooth.' This consonant is generative, standing for the sexual power. For this reason adding an 's' at the end of a word plurals it, multiplying, as in 'senses,' 'eggs,' 'brains'. The "S' stands for the teeth, the instruments whereby food is taken into oneself, whereby the food is divided and possessed. It is hot and sensual as in 'hiss'. The 'H' is from the Hebrew 'Cheth,' which stands for fence. This is like two 'I's connected, but enclosed. If is a frame which prevents the passing of energies. It is close in meaning to the numeral '8' stands for infinity when placed upon its side, because the energies on either side of it are made to circulate rather than dissipate. This 'H,' this fence at the end of 'wish,' helps to secure its power and serves as a kind of hermetic seal upon the word.

From the third series (LIFE IS REAL ONLY THEN, WHEN 'I AM”) 5th talk:
Page 135: Gurdjieff speaking:

“First of all, concentrate the greater part of your attention on the words themselves, "I am," and the lesser part concentrate on the solar plexus, and the reverberation should gradually proceed of itself
at first it is necessary to acquire only, so to say, the "taste" of these impulses which you have not as yet in you, and which for the present you may designate merely by the words "I am," "I can,", I wish"

I am, I can, I am can
I am, I wish, I am wish
In concluding my elucidation's of this assisting exercise
I will once more repeat, but in another formulation, what I have already said.

“If "I am," only then "I can; if "I can";
only then do I deserve and have the objective right to wish
Without the ability to "can" there is no possibility of having anything;
no, nor the right to it.

First we must assimilate these expressions as external designations of these impulses in order ultimately to have the impulses themselves.
it now becomes clear what Mr. Gurdjieff meant when he says that wish is more powerful than God. From the Holy Sun Absolute God's three laws proceed into the world three, but after that they become mechanical more and more as they become branches on the Ray of Creation, like a tree planted upside down where each branch is a galaxy and each twig a solar system and each fruit a planet, and upon the planets are beings serving the higher nature of the great cosmic Trogoautoegocrat. (By eating myself I myself govern). But from lower levels such as we are on we can only touch upon the force of creation by a kind of levitation; and levitation from the negativity which usually plagues us, and the reaching of a higher place in ourselves where we can wish, where we are in contact with both forces above and below us and in our conduit of information we can make actual changes in the world that cannot be made horizontally. I believe that this is what wish ultimately consists of – the miracle of a higher law manifestation itself in a lower level.

As Mme. de Salzmann has said, "We cannot do it, but it cannot be done without us." This makes our wishes far more powerful than our prayers of supplication, because wish is active whereas prayer is passive. I was for all of those who follow Mr. Gurdjieff in good conscious faith hope and love to come to this understanding that their wishes are all powerful – more powerful than the so-called reality we believe in. This is not magical thinking of the child but the magical thinking that is true for the adult who has gained maturity while retaining that childlike wonder and awe at the enormous banquet of creativity which surrounds us. Blessings be unto thee.


The Grimm's Fairy Tales
Kundalini For The West
The Serpent Power – Sir Arthur Avalon
Life Is Real Only Then, When "I Am" - G. I. Gurdjieff
A Mystical Key To The English Language - Robert M. Hoffstein
Internet: Notable quotes
The New Testament of The Bible
Internet: Zen Quotes
All And Everything – G.I Gurdjieff

Friday, February 13, 2015

Intrinsic Virtue and scale of emotions use of organism energy.

 "Intrinsic Virtue". It Is Topped with a Plant Growing Straight, over an Eye Which Sees, Over a Heart.
This does not just mean virtue as in morals or ethics, but something far more intimate – more intrinsic. One could say the even a chair has intrinsic virtue if when you sit in it it doesn't crumble and leave you sitting on the floor amidst the rubble. The chair itself could be said to have intrinsic virtue, just as a pencil has intrinsic virtue if it is filled with graphite with which to write, and allows one to sharpen – that is also part of its intrinsic virtue. Everything and every creature except for man has within itself an intrinsic virtue. Animals only kill to eat or to defend themselves and only man suffers from greed and selfishness.

In one ancient tradition of Man – he is likened unto a Nail, which is worthless unless it holds 2 other things together, like pieces of wood – and is useless if it is spent such that you cannot utilize it. Unfortunately most men are bent nails unable to hold together Heaven and Earth, which requires living a vertical life as well is a horizontal one. I have a saying: "Gravity Does Not Just Affect the Body – It Also Affects the Emotions and the Mind".

When a man wakes up his body arises to become vertical in the spine, but like the spinal discs that can be squashed and herniated horizontally, his emotions and mental processes are busy being squashed by gravity such that he thinks about the day to come for the day just past or the nightmares or dreams that he has had but he does not live in the present moment between the immediate 2nd just past and the immediate 2nd about to come, which would be the eternal Now. Time is nothing but a stubborn illusion because all things both in the future and past and in the now coexists simultaneously. If you want to change the past or affect the future you must do it in the now. The 1st word of the Scripture considered the Bible of consciousness: The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, is ATHA!!!, Which means such an emphatic now, that it produces a stop on thinking emoting and movement – the 3 forms of our 3 main brains. Man is a 3 brained being, but imagine the shape of each of these brains. The body looks like the body, but to the emotions resemble a human being?

I dare say that the emotional center in the ordinary human being looks like an amorphious glob of negativity, hopes and desires and fears and aversions. The real emotional center should take the same shape as the human body only it should reach out further, radiating compassion love and indifference. Compassion for all living things; love to all things and and indifference to those who practice injustice or who suffer by their own doings. Perhaps a more proper to say that things happen through the ordinary man, who is like a man on iceberg with one oar 2 things she can determine the direction the iceberg is going by paddling in the water while not realizing that most of them (the icebergs) are 9/10 underwater and subject to deep ocean currents that go where they will – not where he wants them to go. But for a man with intrinsic virtue the iceberg will follow his intent, for there is an alchemical axiom that goes as follows: 

"Where the Intent Goes, the Life Force Follows; where the Life Force goes, the Blood goes and Sinks and Relaxes"

But the intent is directly connected with intrinsic virtue or lack thereof. In the scale of emotional force there would be a step ladder from the very top where all energy is available and non-is used to the very bottom where all energy is locked up in horrible emotions that cannot be overcome, leading to death. This step ladder might be considered to exist in the following terms:

Peace – All Energy No Expenditure
Bliss – peace with Enjoyment Beyond Description 
Awareness – Seeing but without Expenditure
Action – Courageousness proaction in exactly the right proportion in a state of total relaxation. 

this is the end of the positive emotions that we know of in our ordinary state of being.

Pride – One Can Only Be Proud of Something in the past – Never of Something in the Future; Therefore "Pride Cometh before the Fall."

Anger – A Response to the Thwarting of One's Will. This Can Be Transmitted It into Real Force without Identification.

Lust – A Response To Something Desired or Desirable. Action May or May Not Take Place. 

Fear – The Most Prevalent Demotion in Ordinary Man, It Prevents Him from Acting and Causes Them to Be Eternally Vigilant and Suspicious. It Is Only an Appropriate Emotion When Confronted with a Threat to the Safety of the Organism. 

Grief – A Deep Sense of Sorrow Due To a Great Personal Loss – There Are 2 Aspects to Grief – One Is the Grief One Feels for the Lost Opportunities Of the Future but the Larger Part is Usually Self-Pity.

Apathy -- Such a Plethora of Negative Emotions One upon Another That There Is No Possibility of Movement. Deep Apathy Leads Next to Catatonia. Below Catatonia Is Coma 

Coma – This can have Both Positive and Negative Aspects. It Can Occur As a Response to Such an Overwhelming Force of Threat of the Organisms Imminent Death That the Body Shuts down Everything except That Which Is Necessary to Live; or It Can Be the Results of the Buildup of Negative Emotions Leading to Coma through Catatonia.

Below This There Is Only:

Death – The Cessation of Breathing and Blood Circulation Leading to a Disassemblence Of Parts, With Each Part Going to Its Own Level. The Body Goes into the Earth Or Is Turned into Ash and Smoke, While the Emotions Join the Atmosphere Where They Are Subject to Weather Just As They Were When the Body Was Alive. The Thinking Mind Disintegrates Except for the Aspects of the Will Which Are Passed on to Others in a Kind of Supernatural Disclosure of Talents, Powers and Positive Emotional Contents. The Highest Part of the Mind Returns to Space, Which Is Its Natural Home.

Anyone who reads either of the books of the dead will see that my analysis is true.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Teachings of The Buddha and The Teachings of Gurdjieff.

If I may, I would like to point out some considerable differences between Mr. Gurdjieff and the Buddha, both in their actions and in their teachings.

First I should talk about the Buddha, whose name was Siddhārtha Gautama. When he was born his father who was a ruler of a small kingdom had an astrologer throw his horoscope which told that Siddhartha could have either of two paths in life; either he would be a great political king or or he would become a great spiritual teacher.

His father, wanting to install him as his heir, had a large wall built around the entire palace, which saved Siddhartha from viewing any of the world's calamities. After he was married and had a child, he became curious and snuck out and had his charioteer drive him through town. First he saw a leper, and couldn't understand until his charioteer explained that he had a terrible disease. Then he came across a man tattered in rags who was begging. Again, always having plenty, Siddhartha needed the charioteer to explain poverty. They passed a prostitute cutting a deal with a customer, and again, the charioteer had to explain that man had vices which needed gratification. Everywhere he looked he saw suffering, and decided that he would run away from the palace and seek a solution to this pervasive unhappiness which seemed to run the world.

After kissing his wife and son, he climbed over the wall never to return. He traded his valuable clothing for the vestments of a "forest dweller" and obtained a begging bowl, and began to practice yoga and visiting holy men and listening to their various teachings. He gathered a group of about five other young man who practiced very strenuous austerities for several years. At the end of 5 years, and dying of starvation, Siddhartha separated from his friends and allowed himself to be nurtured back to health by a woman who spent 6 weeks feeding him and tending to his sores and self-inflicted wounds, which the group had decided would aid them in their aim of release from suffering and the attainment of permanent bliss.

Siddhartha, soon to be the Buddha, found a nice Bodhi tree to rest his back against and to begin his contemplations. The first question he asked himself was if he could remember a time when he was perfectly happy. In fact, he remembered himself sitting under a similar tree when he was nine years old with no unhappiness in him to be found. Instead he found four virtues that arose within him and radiated outward, having no outward cause:

Buddhism's four brahmavihara  ("Divine States") can be more properly regarded as virtues in the European sense. They are:
  1.    1     Metta/Maitri: loving-kindness towards all; the hope that a person will be well; loving kindness is "the wish that all sentient beings, without any exception, be happy.
  2. Karuṇā: compassion; the hope that a person's sufferings will diminish; compassion is the "wish for all sentient beings to be free from suffering."[8]
  3. Mudita: altruistic joy in the accomplishments of a person, oneself or other; sympathetic joy - "the wholesome attitude of rejoicing in the happiness and virtues of all sentient beings."
  4. Upekkha/Upeksha: equanimity, or learning to accept both loss and gain, praise and blame, success and failure with detachment, equally, for oneself and for others. Equanimity means "not to distinguish between friend, enemy or stranger, but to regard every sentient being as equal. It is a clear-minded tranquil state of mind - not being overpowered by delusions, mental dullness or agitation."[
 Siddhartha also came to the realization that all existence experiences suffering, but by practicing these four virtues so that nothing is based on impressions coming from the outside, but that these virtues are inherent and invested in the human being, they may be radiated outwardly in all directions, thus bringing happiness, joy, bliss and contentment.

The Buddha, as he was now known, is directly translatable from the Pali or Sanskrit as "One Who Is Awake", being derived from the root "Chitta", which is most simply translated as awareness. There is an apocryphal story of the other Gurus who were losing students to the Buddha going to him and ask him a series of questions:
" Are you a God?" Reply: "No" 
“Are you an Avatar? (An incarnation of an attribute of the Godhead). Reply: “No" 
“Are you then a Saint?" Reply: “No”

“What are you then, that all our disciples are flocking to you and abandoning us?”
Reply: “I AM ONE WHO IS AWAKE”. This is the literal transliteration of the word Buddha into English.
The significant difficulty I find in the Buddhas subsequent teachings is that he advocated what he called “The Middle Way", Containing 8 Right Methods such as “right vocation, right this, right that and so on–right attitude etc.

But this is not the path that the Buddha himself took. He may have thought that he was doing his disciples a favor by giving them a shortcut past the austerities, and studies and yoga, and this is where the Buddha and myself find ourselves separating paths.
Now let's study the path of Mr. Gurdjieff. It also recognizes that all of existence is suffering, but instead of radiating happiness right off the bat (when we probably can't really find any within ourselves), he advocates studying ourselves as we actually are without changing anything except to look, through a separation of an acting self and a witnessing self. 
And he claims that this seeing of ourselves as we actually are, while deconstructing the imaginary perfect self which we have generated in our ability to lie to ourselves and hopefully to other people; he claims that this seeing, which he equates to light, produces changes–real chemical changes in the structuring of the organism. In its blood will change the hormones and neurotransmitters. It also brings the clarity of our own suffering of ourselves as we actually into a focus which attenuates or ceases the sieve - like leaking of energies which we need for our work, but which otherwise are squandered–wasted.
Even though the Buddha never advocated that there is no real Self (the doctrine of annata) but only constituent desires and aversions, Nirvana does not translate as “nonexistence”. Nirvana directly translates into English as “No Wind”, meaning that the authentic individual Self is no longer subject to any Push or Pull from the outer world and its sense–objects. It is the exact same thing as Carl Jung's 
"Individuation" or Gurdjiefff's "Higher being Bodies".

However, in Mr. Gurdjieff cosmogony he is closer to Orthodox Esoteric Christianity than to any other belief system, agreeing with St. Paul's assessment that the entire Creation as from the beginning until now, has groaned as if in the sufferings the pangs of childbirth, eagerly awaiting the birth of the sons of men"

The "Sons of Men" being a highly charged phrase, essentially meaning the perfect man such as the Adam Kadmon, or Christ Jesus, and Gurdjieff not only advocates a conscious and laborious suffering of oneself without any illusions, vanity, or self–love, but he places in the teachings of Ashiata Shiemash what are known as the "Five Strivings", which place man in a position of responsibility not only to himself and his physical well-being, but to the promise of an endless study of the laws which govern Creation, as well as being willing and able to shoulder some of the Suffering of the Creator himself, and thereby lightening his burden.

And the last or 5th striving brings us human beings into a relationship of reciprocal help, to attain the necessary degree of objective reasoning which would allow us to serve the needs of each other at the same time as shouldering some of the burden of the creator. Mr. Gurdjieff lays great emphasis on utilizing consciousness to unearth the divine spark of conscience which lay embedded in our subconscious and unconscious parts, having been covered over by the incredibly incorrectly named “education”, which has more to do with babysitting and surrogate parenting with no harmonious educational aim having been designed, and leaving the children to learn useless competition with no moral rectitude.
Whereas Buddhism acknowledges all existence as forms of suffering, in its dogma of the  “4 Noble Truths” It alleges that this suffering can be attenuated and eliminated through the following activities:
1): all existence is suffering
2): it is craving disguised as desire or aversion which create this suffering.
3): suffering can be alleviated by renouncing craving, desire or aversions
4): cessation of suffering is accomplished by 8 noble paths, right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration.
Mr. Gurdjieff, on the other hand, advocates intentional or volitional suffering, and relates trying to avoid suffering as simply another mechanical suffering which intensifies this suffering itself, which being mechanical, it is quite useless.

He advocates conscious labors and intentional sufferings as a methodology for increasing consciousness so that it renders the subconscious and unconscious to a retrieval of conscience, which Gurdjieff defines as a spark of the Divine Creator Father Endlessness. Gurdjieff is very careful to delineate ordinary conscience, which is changeable in different cultures, and which is also malleable, with true conscience, which is the same in all men – the surety of what is right and wrong.

While Gurdjieff does not describe consciousness as a light switch, but rather in degrees or along the lines of a rheostat, conscience never changes. Being divine in origin, it participates in the certainty of creation itself and the phenomenological Cosmos we find ourselves in.

In addition, Gurdjieff describes the conscience of the common or ordinary man as one which is filthy, taken for granted and abused. It thus needs cleansing, and Mr. Gurdjieff hints that a man with a clean conscience can experience all of his emotions at once, with no buffers between opposites, and which open the flood gates of positive emotions, which have no opposites. So that in fact, the beginning of the work being on self observation and self remembering and enlarging the faculties of consciousness are all designed for the single purpose of retrieving and cleansing the true conscience which exists in all men except those unfortunates who have either sullied their own conscience, or as sociopaths, have an atrophied or dead conscience, so that these what are called Hasmanuss (several languages together which roughly translate as "Soul of Shit") have lost their chance at rehabilitation altogether.

When Mr. Gurdjieff talked about conscience he stated that the possibilities for mankind are nearly unbelievable, because whereas consciousness can the horizontal, conscience is nearly always vertical and acts as a conduit for signals and instructions and revelations from above, which begin to set the man's house in order. The house is given him so long as he cares for it as though it were belonging to some far more important person who, being away on business, has left the house and equipage (horse and buggy) in the care of this servant.

Whereas all the major spiritual dispensations which have emerged during the history of mankind, all of them, with perhaps the goals of Buddhism, have recognized that human beings are rightfully servants; whether of above or below matters not. What is important is to recognize our servitude and the existence of absolute and permanent abiding RELATIONSHIP in creation. Everything in CREATION IS IN RELATIONSHIP,


Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Kundalini and Gurdjieff Foundation

Thank you, and all the other members who have followed our exchanges and my dedication to keeping both the Sheep and the Wolf alive and well in myself. I was extremely fortunate in that my 1st group had both the male and female in the position of group leaders where the man may be the strongest Man I have ever met in the work.
This was a man who had been with the New York Gurdjeff Foundation since 1952, but whereas it seems that most of the teachers of the work followed a path into complete softness in their worship of Mme. de Salzmann who, it must be said, was a woman of enormous BEING and did as Mr. Gurdjeff instructed her, but she was also very clear in stating in the very beginning of her efforts to bring all of the conflicting lineages together under one umbrella that she stated: "I can only take you as far as I have come."
She achieved a phenomenal success, and one of the things I have learned is that in beginning the New York Foundation she formed a secret group which very few people even today know about to continue the line of esoteric inner work that Mr. Gurdjeff disseminated in an esoteric group he held for the 6 years before his death. Mme. De Salzmann, considering the future of the work and the pleading of the elders in the work for her to impart this final stage of Mr. Gurdjeff teaching career, that there was a secret meeting held once a week for a couple of years and nothing about it ever leaked. It is in fact a marvel that I have discovered that it existed. But most people who develop a strong interest in Mr. Gurdjeff's teachings do not come as though they had lived his teachings their entire life, as I found that I had.
I joined with the New York Gurdjeff foundation for 3 reasons – 1st, because every book written about his work declared that a man must place his own will under the will of another or of a group which has a stronger will than his. I don't think I ever met anyone with a stronger will than my own, which was formed by my own intentional sufferings to the point of death fearlessly and continuously as well as never, ever doing as others did. I thought of the mass of humanity as though they were an entire world full of lemmings so that when they went one way I went the exact opposite way, and I can say with complete honesty and sincerity that I faced down the equivalent of herds of bison and woolly mammoths and kept on my feet through their stampedes except for those brilliant moments when I would be either trampled were thrown aloft by their horns. So when I entered the Foundation I was a man fully prepared. And before I ever heard about it I knew how to absorb higher hydrogens and conscious stealing because I it spent my teenage years amongst the most famous musicians in the world never speaking a word but completely awake and alert so that I might draw from their powers. There is always a surplus because men throw away that which is precious, and even in the work, where one of my aims was to allow the sandpaper of friction to soften my rough edges because I was very sharp and capable of wounding as well as healing with my tongue.
The entire time I spent there was spent sucking, pulling, absorbing, stealing from the building itself so that I emerged with a new set of skills to use in my role of Doctor. and Priest of a currently unknown religion. When I met Yogi Bhajan, the leader of the Sikhs in America and a person who would brought a vigorous yoga which he branded kundalini yoga – and those he had learned from were very upset with him because he did reveal techniques and what are known as Kriya (specific collation and sets of exercises designed to one purpose), but there really was nothing to worry about because of all the Westerners who have never practiced any kind of yoga, and none of them have reached the aim, and I had already experienced the classically described full-blown kundalini awakening which when that happened had been presaged by a month of pranic movements but still took me utterly by surprise when I suddenly discovered that all the things that people assume were metaphorical were literal. With the exception of one thing. It did not begin at the base of the spine but low in the solar plexus where there was a spark generated by something literally resembling Flint hitting Steel which then went down through my feet and into the earth like a freight train which hit a trampoline, and I sat in the chair in a near panicked state as this force of energy came up towards me and then right through me upwards where all bodily functions were turned off in each chakra as if one were turning out the lights one by one towards the door that they were going to leave through. My breathing stopped my heart went into fribulation with a secondary pulse under it in my physical body lost all body heat so that it was as cold as a corpse except for a small patch of warmth at the top of my head. In order to refrain from disturbing it I only used my right hand to feel my left hand which felt like ice, and then to the top of my head where I could feel the circle of warmth through which the kundalini had passed. Anyway, that's the story. From my decision to practice to the actual event was 3 months.