Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Kundalini and Gurdjieff Foundation

Thank you, and all the other members who have followed our exchanges and my dedication to keeping both the Sheep and the Wolf alive and well in myself. I was extremely fortunate in that my 1st group had both the male and female in the position of group leaders where the man may be the strongest Man I have ever met in the work.
This was a man who had been with the New York Gurdjeff Foundation since 1952, but whereas it seems that most of the teachers of the work followed a path into complete softness in their worship of Mme. de Salzmann who, it must be said, was a woman of enormous BEING and did as Mr. Gurdjeff instructed her, but she was also very clear in stating in the very beginning of her efforts to bring all of the conflicting lineages together under one umbrella that she stated: "I can only take you as far as I have come."
She achieved a phenomenal success, and one of the things I have learned is that in beginning the New York Foundation she formed a secret group which very few people even today know about to continue the line of esoteric inner work that Mr. Gurdjeff disseminated in an esoteric group he held for the 6 years before his death. Mme. De Salzmann, considering the future of the work and the pleading of the elders in the work for her to impart this final stage of Mr. Gurdjeff teaching career, that there was a secret meeting held once a week for a couple of years and nothing about it ever leaked. It is in fact a marvel that I have discovered that it existed. But most people who develop a strong interest in Mr. Gurdjeff's teachings do not come as though they had lived his teachings their entire life, as I found that I had.
I joined with the New York Gurdjeff foundation for 3 reasons – 1st, because every book written about his work declared that a man must place his own will under the will of another or of a group which has a stronger will than his. I don't think I ever met anyone with a stronger will than my own, which was formed by my own intentional sufferings to the point of death fearlessly and continuously as well as never, ever doing as others did. I thought of the mass of humanity as though they were an entire world full of lemmings so that when they went one way I went the exact opposite way, and I can say with complete honesty and sincerity that I faced down the equivalent of herds of bison and woolly mammoths and kept on my feet through their stampedes except for those brilliant moments when I would be either trampled were thrown aloft by their horns. So when I entered the Foundation I was a man fully prepared. And before I ever heard about it I knew how to absorb higher hydrogens and conscious stealing because I it spent my teenage years amongst the most famous musicians in the world never speaking a word but completely awake and alert so that I might draw from their powers. There is always a surplus because men throw away that which is precious, and even in the work, where one of my aims was to allow the sandpaper of friction to soften my rough edges because I was very sharp and capable of wounding as well as healing with my tongue.
The entire time I spent there was spent sucking, pulling, absorbing, stealing from the building itself so that I emerged with a new set of skills to use in my role of Doctor. and Priest of a currently unknown religion. When I met Yogi Bhajan, the leader of the Sikhs in America and a person who would brought a vigorous yoga which he branded kundalini yoga – and those he had learned from were very upset with him because he did reveal techniques and what are known as Kriya (specific collation and sets of exercises designed to one purpose), but there really was nothing to worry about because of all the Westerners who have never practiced any kind of yoga, and none of them have reached the aim, and I had already experienced the classically described full-blown kundalini awakening which when that happened had been presaged by a month of pranic movements but still took me utterly by surprise when I suddenly discovered that all the things that people assume were metaphorical were literal. With the exception of one thing. It did not begin at the base of the spine but low in the solar plexus where there was a spark generated by something literally resembling Flint hitting Steel which then went down through my feet and into the earth like a freight train which hit a trampoline, and I sat in the chair in a near panicked state as this force of energy came up towards me and then right through me upwards where all bodily functions were turned off in each chakra as if one were turning out the lights one by one towards the door that they were going to leave through. My breathing stopped my heart went into fribulation with a secondary pulse under it in my physical body lost all body heat so that it was as cold as a corpse except for a small patch of warmth at the top of my head. In order to refrain from disturbing it I only used my right hand to feel my left hand which felt like ice, and then to the top of my head where I could feel the circle of warmth through which the kundalini had passed. Anyway, that's the story. From my decision to practice to the actual event was 3 months.

Steve Paul's The Scene

I think one of the 1st times that I went to Steve Paul's The Scene was when I was 15 years old, and Velvert and I wrangled our way past Teddy when he wasn't looking and busy taking some other customers money. Immediately we went back into the left and to the dressing room. We always ended up in the dressing room anyway, so that's where we went and the bill that night was Buddy Guy (one of my all time favorites) with John Hammond Junior as his opening act.
Anyway, we walked into the dressing room and a bunch of black guys were hanging out including one big fat one who was crushing the couch and who claim to be Buddy's manager, who told us that but he had gone out to find something to eat. But there was his hard shell case containing his Stratocaster – oh my God, what a beautiful instrument (later Buddy told me it had been stolen -- what a drag), and Velvert asked if we could touch it or play it and the big guy said "I don't care, but you better take care of it because Buddy's got a gun."
So we took it out of its case and passed it back and forth between us and as Velvert bent the "high e" in an over bend that Jimi did a lot, bending a minor or major third, the damned string broke. Okay, the cats on the couch state "y'all better fix that, because Buddy's got a gun and he is going to be mighty mad that you fucked with his baby".
So Velvert starts rummaging through the guitar case – no spare strings. We both start freaking out and looking all over the place – at the time the Buddy Guy band carried two drum trap cases, one with drum gear in it, and the other one was full of liquor, which had everybody's favorite hooch in it - Velvert was digging through it trying to find strings pulled out bottles of all sorts of hard liquor and I asked to catch on the couch why they carried an extra drum case full of booze, and they said that was for Sundays, or dry counties. Hilarious. No luck with the guitar strings and now we know that Buddy's going to come back soon so Velvert opens up John Hammond Junior's guitar case and sees a set of strings which included a ''high e" and Velvert is clandestine asking "do you think he would mind?" And I told him a better put it on – there's a bigger chance the Buddy will freak if he has to play with 5 strings than John Hammond is going to get upset because somebody took his e string, so Velvert purloined the said string and put it on Buddy's guitar and got it pretty well in tune and everybody breathed a sigh of relief, but the circus isn't over yet.
We went out and sat at a table for the changeover and waiting for Buddy and he finally comes out with his band takes the stage and starts the 1st song, and gets through that one is starts the second song when I guess he noticed that the high e string had stretched out and during those little breaks between the piercing guitar lines and the singing he put his arm out and turned the tuning peg to tighten the string and the damned thing went down. Velvert had put it on the way Jimi did, so that clockwise is up and away from you is down which is the exact opposite of probably every guitarist on earth, and on the stage,
Buddy was freaking because as you tune one string on a Stratocaster sometimes it affects the other strings so that the whole thing turns into a giant mess. Buddy finally figures that it was a practical joke but all the same he has steam coming out of the top of his head and if looks could kill… Oh boy. Hendrix was due to come down later on and do some jamming but Velvert was so scared he insisted that we leave. I did not want to go, but eventually I realized that our friendship was a bond worth the price and we hurried out the door and up the steps where Velvert gasped with breaths of relief. I mean I guess he had been really scared that Buddy would have actually shot him.
I wonder if anyone else remembers that night and Buddy's surprise that when he tuned the string up it went down? The whole fiasco lasted like 3 minutes but in hindsight is one of those moments you'll never forget that are just hilarious.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Not much for Monday as I am extremely tired.

Monday in July 2014 – the 16th

I had been leading a private Gurdjeff group whose 1st anniversary would've been tomorrow, but as the Foundation shuts down for the summer and follows the school year pretty well, I went and pulled the rug out and removed everything I had sweated over for the last year, leaving the members on their own as a kind of shock and test of their mettle. And I had been removing the posts that I had written there and saving some of them and deleting others, when I came upon a very long autobiography of myself which I copied intending to past it here, but then got lost in other matters and copied something else which sent my biography into the depths of the Internet archive crevice from which nothing ever returns. Happy burial to the biography of Richard Lloyd. I don't need you anyway – I have everything I've ever experienced packed inside this thread I have found grayish pink Walnut that exists inside of my skull.

So we will see what becomes of that. As for me, it hurt like hell – almost like an amputation. I had put some time 6 to 8 hours on the computer working for and with that group and now I have to remove it piecemeal which is very hard and tedious work. I wish I could hire a valet, but then, I have no car for him to park.

I feel kind of empty – which is neither good nor bad – because how can empty have any feelings? Empty is simply empty. It's not a perfect vacuum, because we will never reach absolute 0 Kelvin – it's as much a boundary line as the speed of light.

But I have been thinking about cosmogony and some new ideas people have about the singularity which became the "Big Bang" as the prevalent theory. The ID of the Big Bang may be sheer bullshit that we like the smell of. What to the Hindus have to offer? The days of night's and lifespan of Brahma? It seems that the ancients who were spoken of as ancient by those we consider ancient, had more brains and more sense than we have today. I need not appeal to aliens to understand that human beings built the pyramids so well that you cannot insert a credit card between some of the 60 ton blocks of stone. The entire thing was once covered with sandstone which must've made it almost impossible to look at during the daylight hours because it's refractory (the degree of light that is deflected and not absorbed) would've been astonishing with the gold triangle at the top, you could probably see it from the moon or even from Venus or Mars.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Summer Postings Number One

I have been thinking that I have spent so much time and energy on a special group I formed which comes to its first anniversary on Tuesday, and that we should follow the school year as do The Gurdjeff Foundations and Societies – this allows people time to go on retreat also known as Work Periods, where between seventy and 120 people may gather on secluded property in order to live and Work together for whatever designated time there might be. I have gone on a number of these retreats.

The most significant thing that I can report about the very first work period was that after it was over and I had been driven back to the Toronto international Airport I experienced an incredible culture shock to a degree that I never thought possible. For the ten previous days I had been with my people, those who follow the teachings and ideas and practices of G I Gurdjieff, and as I was preparing to leave a phrase came into my head about what I had experienced there – that I had been in a place "Where the Truth Abides and Negativity Dies".

When I entered the terminal are immediately ran into human beings who were consistently suspicious, tightly guarded and verging on hostile as they jostled through the terminal. I saw this through new eyes that could barely stand to see what are thought of as ordinary people so defensive that each one was a stranger to anyone else, and the culture shock was such that I was for past tears and truly felt that odd sense that I had when I was yet a baby and looked up at adults and saw them mistreat each other and as I put it that – "how can it be that they are not nice to each other?" I really had no idea except that I was terrified and all my life I have been terrified of becoming like them. And what had happened? I arrived at the airport and was driven two hours to the property and a week later I was driven back to the airport having regained my sanity – that I did not know that I had lost. I held onto this state through several days and through the complaints of my wife (who was not in the work) that I seemed almost robotic – with no reactions to warp or twist my face. In a quality of voice that was calm but that my wife had learned to hate, because it meant that I was dropping out of the fight – and though she hated it also she needed me to be the grumpy Richard that she knew.

I understood better about the trance states that we live our lives continuously moving from one trance state to another depending upon whom we are with, and while I knew that I could hold against this pressure I recognized it as a selfishness, and so I put it away and returned to acting the role that had been written for me in my relationship as a husband and father – but as something akin to the shock of exhaling embryonic fluid and inhaling air which contains oxygen and which originally will sting the lungs until the newborn gets used to it, the pain subsides and the infant has become an air breathing creature. No matter what I tried I could not hold on while playing the role demanded of me, complete with outbursts of anger and foolish laziness. Things had… Things had returned to ordinary, but I now knew once again that ordinary was a diseased state.